Monday, 13 September 2010

Have a Laugh!!


This is from an Mpumalanga Hospital Register, sent to me by 
my sister in London. 
1. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only 
11kgs weight gain in the past three days.
5... She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was 
very hot in bed last night.
6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it 
disappeared.
8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to 
be depressed.
9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but 
forgetful.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, 
until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical 
therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. The patient refused autopsy.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
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